This is what this past year in my life looks like.

In addition to writing all these books, I also participated in a launch that took one of them to a #1 International Bestseller, wrote and published several articles, produced websites, worked with companies as their growth consultant, participated in masterminds, took care of family members who needed me, watched over my mother, cared for my three rescued animals, was viciously attacked and injured by the neighbor’s German Shepherd, moved from a house I lived in for 21 years into my first rental since 1983, moved my son out of his Miami house for his CA relocation, joined the board at a local university, did some radio and tv, taught myself two beautiful chords on the Martin that sits, unappreciated, in the corner of my home office, attended two conferences, took a fabulous vacay, took up yoga again, saw Pink from the front row, learned to cook a thing or two that my daughter actually loves and read approximately 50 wonderful books.

Is this alot? I don’t know. I feel like a lazy sloth who wastes hours each day and has accomplished nothing.

Wow, huh? Why do we (well, some of us) do this to ourselves?

I am in my fourth year of my post-Partnersh*t what-the-f-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life collapse. I worked through the grief and have learned a ton and a half about life and stuff. I wouldn’t go back for any reason because that was then. But I am so grateful for the experience.

Here’s the thing: What is now?

I’ve come a long way baby since 2009, but it seems no matter what I do or how much I achieve, I have not found my way back into The Zone. I loved The Zone. Every day brought new gifts; I felt alive, accomplished, philanthropic, excited and giddy. Now, something is, well, missing, and I have been struggling—really struggling— to put my finger on what that is.

I can thank my friend Carol Wain, she of The Reinvention Queen fame, for sending me on this introspective journey. I did her show twice this year and have been working on a chapter for a collaborative case study book she is writing about reinvention. As I began writing, I realized I had not reinvented like I thought I had.

So I stopped writing, missed a deadline (thank you Christmas holiday) and really thought about what was happening to me. It made no sense for me to talk about reinvention when I was still in it, poking around to select this and that that would ultimately be my next thing. Sure, I cleaned up the past mess and moved on, but busy doesn’t mean fulfilled.

So I stopped being busy and decided to just be quiet for awhile. To think. Meditate. Rest. Do yoga. Sleep. Read more. Accept and honor that we are spiritual beings having a human existence. And allow only good energy into my world. In other words, to be that lazy sloth that does nothing.

And I discovered that this lazy sloth is really not lazy and lot a sloth. I am waking up.

While I am loving it, this is the hardest thing I have ever done, and the best thing too. Hard because I learned from Sandra Champlain’s amazing book We Don’t Die that The Voice (my ego) is harsh and judgmental and tells me I’m lazy (so that’s where it came from). The best thing because she also taught me that My Soul Self is loving and tells me I can achieve anything I want. This should not surprise me because I have done that. Many times.

I’m not sure why Champlain’s book spoke to me more than the dozens of others I have been reading on the same subject this year. I will chalk it up to  . . . “when the student is ready . . ..

So. We create the life we want. All we have to do is ask for it. I spent most of my life as a triple Type A personality who ran from fire to fire and reveled in it. I got exactly what I wanted simply by manifesting it via Dude (the Universe). Now my Soul Self is sending me messages that it’s time to breathe for awhile and trust that everything is perfect as it is.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh.